Sunday, February 26, 2012

Rick Santorum is Scary

New Gingrich is silly, or, as he would describe himself, "cheerful." Mitt Romney is "resolute" which is in fact just the opposite of what Mitt Romney actually is, chameleon-esque (I just made up a word!). Rick Santorum, the man who may just be the Republican front runner in a few days is downright scary.

The man isn't running a political campaign, he's running a crusade. He wants to set women's rights and gay rights back a century, and he's ready to impose his misplaced set of values on the entire country - there is something strangely gratifying about listening to these people lambast government involvement in our lives only to immediately follow it up with how they would make everything from sex to voting illegal...really the government should only be in our lives when it is being used as a tool to strip our rights rather than empower us.

Santorum's position as a Republican front runner is both exciting and terrifying. It's exciting because in all likelihood the man would lose in a landslide to Obama in November; it's terrifying because if he were somehow to win he would attempt to turn America into a backwards looking theocracy. As Maureen Dowd quoted Republican strategist Alex Castellanos in her column today, "Republicans being against sex is not good. Sex is popular."

Sex is not the only thing Santorum is against, today he came out against "indoctrination mills," er colleges. Blue collar, hard-working man that he is, Santorum is all about the American dream, but he is against having students go to college because that is the most certain way to ensure that Americans still have a chance at achieving the American dream. In the backwards, convoluted world of Republican theory it makes perfect sense; you just have to think about it for a very, very long time...

Now that you're done pondering that, spend just a moment on how Santorum has now come out strongly against two things wildly popular among Americans: sex and college. Before you know it he will be taking a stand against baseball, Budweiser, and probably amber waves of grain.

Mr. Cheerful is advocating for moon bases (it's seriously his only good idea, I mean that. Clown that he is, the moon base deserves more thought). Mr. Who-Am-I is currently trying his hardest to shoot himself in the foot in Michigan where he is on the warpath against the bailouts that not only saved but also completely revitalized the auto industry (thank you Mr. Bush and Mr. Obama for making the difficult and courageous decision to save the auto industry). Newt and Mitt make for good comedy, but Rick is scary. His social values belong in a time long past in the City-Upon-A-Hill. There is no place for his antiquated social views in today's public sphere. If he wants to be abstinent and home-schooled in private more power to him, but please try to keep the crazy at home.

I'm hoping for a Rick Santorum victory in Michigan's primary, but only because I still believe that Romney is Obama's greatest threat. After having observed the Republican candidates for the past few months I am now convinced that - among those remaining - Santorum is America's greatest threat. There are still a few good nuggets among the worn-out Republican economic ideas that all of the candidates rehash in monotonous, unimaginative terms day after day, but this country has nothing to gain from Santorum's extreme social conservatism. When you go to the polls whether in the primaries or the general election, please vote for sex, not Santorum.

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